There is a deep grief within over the loss of a girl on the brink of awareness, beauty and love. Her death is more than painful for those left behind. The ripple effect continues in reminders and memories that pierce the heart. The worst comes just when you’ve caught a breath of fresh air, when the ‘why’ disappears for a short time behind the mask of getting on with the day. The unexpected rushes in. A similiar voice, a gentle smile, a song. It brings a tidal wave of grief, a hurricane, a tornado of despair that brings you to your knees. If it had been an accident, a long illness, the unexpected mishap…in that way it would be the culmination, the recipe, the batter of life. To be tolerated, accepted. But the ugly, dark, torture of death self-intended it the cruelest act. It is a lingering punishment no human expects.
We lost one dear child. One who didn’t understand the glory of life no matter the uncertainty, the heartbreak, the trials of ‘what if’. We couldn’t reach her. She denied us the opportunity to teach her, embrace her, carry her pain, pick up the pieces, participate in the future, love her unconditionally.
Anger helps. Senseless, we say. Cruel, we say. Mindless, we say. Selfish, we say. Oh yes, an extremely selfish act…with little regard for those who loved, those who hoped, those who gave their hearts. No consideration for sacrafices, armloads of hope, shared love.
The debri is on the sidewalk, in the backyard, the sandy beach, the bikepath, the picnic basket in the hall, the faded tee-shirt. The leftovers from the storm can’t be swept away. To do so would deny the existence of that one someone and the others who stood beside her in time and place with hopeful smiles.To remove is to deny the memory, the knowledge. Like a prominent scar, keloid, ugly, abrasive, it is a reality.
No goodbye…the time has past. We are left behind and can’t look back.
She is gone and we have the everlasting pain. So selfish. So angry. The ripple effect….a tidal wave.